I feel convicted to apologize. I will do it here generally and personally to some folks as I see you. I have become increasingly polemic in my words and passionate in my tone throughout 2020. At times I have engaged in pointless debate when it was clear it was impossible to move the other party – that was my pride. I have said things that could be taken as insulting.

I do not and cannot recant my conclusions. I cannot apologize for expressing those conclusions. It seemed that a more milquetoast approach would have had zero chance of success. Somehow, my figuratively screaming like a wild man in the desert did have a positive effect on a hand-full of people.

However, if my imperfect ability to completely express my thoughts in ways that are clear and concise and leaves no room for misinterpretation at times left anyone to feel attacked or insulted personally – I sincerely apologize. I have called out publicly specific actions that some of you participate in or ideas and concepts you still hold to that I perceive as dangerous. I do not want it to appear that you alone, or those like you are solely to blame for the world. We all have a role.

I promise you, that if I have shown any indignation toward anything you have done – the anger I feel toward myself for missed opportunities and things I could have done or said long before now is tremendous. I feel much sadness and anger over what I should or could have done to make a difference. Perhaps some of that has come out as I have pointed out things you might now do better. I apologize for that.

I apologize for having so little patience this year.

I began writing and openly speaking about what the trends and indicators predicted for us soon after I retired from the Army in 2018, once I was free. Some of you I spoke to in the kinder, gentler, and ‘academic’ way long before all the world turned upside down. It has been my failing that once those trends and indicators began to manifest into observable events in January that I was less patient. I realize most people simply were not in a place two years ago where anything I say now about the world could have been processed. The dark reality of some things in our world is very hard to swallow. I should have been more patient and kind this year to folks that are just beginning the movie I have seen a dozen times.

To the three preachers (one UMC, one Presbyterian, one Baptist), I have probably insulted or angered this year – folks that either are, used to be or almost were my friends. Yes, fellows, I was especially hard on you. I have no idea if my method was right or wrong. I got the attention of two of you in a way I do not think a more polite conversation would have. There are no perfect churches and one of you says, true. But some of the things we are doing in our imperfect churches is simply wrong and adds to the problems we have. I would not have said words that potentially angered you, I admit I did that, if I did not love you. I may be all wrong in my method, pray for me, it was personal only insofar as I think you can do better, folks look up to you, you lead a church, the times demand it.

I do not apologize to other ‘pastors’ I have offended. Can not, will not. Some of y’all will help lead millions into destruction and servitude. My rebuke stands and I stand by it.

To regular folks I know that are inclined to roll your eyes and snicker at most things serious. I apologize for not being able to communicate with you better. The world has changed fundamentally and you need to change too. I failed with most of you and it was likely all related to my delivery and approach.

I apologize for my lack of clarity at times. To fix that now.

• The only conspiracy I know for certain exists is Evil. Evil may cause the minds of men to cooperate, and probably does. However, as long as Evil walks and has a personality to represent it, grand conspiracies do not have to exist (they could but do not need to).
• Not a small portion of what we see in the world (news, etc.) looks a lot like the results of techniques used to control a population. I get that sounds like something off a crazy website but propaganda, information operations and PSYOPS are real and much of this looks just like that.  
• Crazy websites, “Q”, Qanon, Pizza Gate, Wayfair gate etc. are all deceptions that have enough truth in them to make some believe and are crazy enough to make skeptics laugh. The degree, complexity, and scope of these deceptions and hoaxes are telling. If I have ever led you to believe I subscribe to these sorts of things, I am sorry – these are all pieces in a giant puzzle of deception and control.
• Truth – Truth is the target of the enemy, Satan. The global conspiracy of Evil, which may or may not comprise anything more than the mind of Satan and his minions, is focused on destroying truth. It is as simple as that. That is what I believe, I filter everything else through that. This is why I have railed against small variances in understanding truth in the Church or from preachers.
• As such – almost everything we see now is a deception. The news from both sides, politics, science now also. Almost nothing we see is what it seems entirely, everything comes from an agenda. This is directly related to an all-out assault on Truth. This is evil at work. Great deceptions will increase exponentially now I believe.
• History – we can all read history, but we probably all come away with one of two perspectives. Either you see history as the march of progress or you see it as the march of decadence and decay. I am in the latter camp. I will probably always fundamentally disagree with anyone that holds the former view. I always view current and future events through the lens of how I view history.

I cannot apologize for my certitude. As I become further entrenched in Reformed Theology I become a caricature of Charles II’s statement that ‘Presbyterianism is no religion for a gentleman.’ You may disagree with my conclusions but my epistemology is based upon a tried and true tradition, my acceptance of a certain histological school, and my personal knowledge and experience with some of the darker arts of geopolitics.

Thank God I have made the acquaintance of preachers, academics, and thinkers that share my views. I fear that based upon some of the push back I have received from my ideas from those I know it is possible I could have been gaslighted into doubt.

I say all of that, partly in explanation and partly for clarity to say – nothing I have said was personal. I got my dander up in righteous indignation. I apologize for the times that was hurtful or infuriating to some. I did not intend it from a bad place.

We cannot change the world or even stop what is about to happen. We can stop aiding and abetting the destruction, we can move to the right side of truth. We can do what is moral and right to help our little communities, families, and flocks to better weather this. That was always my intention. It is time for preparation and Retrenchment.

In future, if I post things on Facebook, I will be less polemic. If you took the time to read this then you will know why I say what I say.  I am fixed and #based now, I do not think I can be moved from the primary worldview I now hold, so there is likely no reason to try. I am always happy to discuss why I interpret a specific event a certain way or to clarify why I stated (or misstated) something. The time for convincing and arguing, for me at least, has passed.

Finally, some of you I spoke truths to years ago about how actions and lack of actions would adversely affect people that I love. I apologize if I did not do enough then to help you correct yourself, I own my portion of that. I will work on my anger at you for the damage your actions have wrought. To those who share a common interest of loved ones, that I have recently reached out to and shared facts and truths that have failed to listen – I will be patient.  It is time for you to realize the greatest act of love is not tacit support but rather speaking hard truth in confusing times.

See the things I am not sorry for.